As soon we crossed the block, the dogs all turned back. All bark and no bite. Sorry, you'll have to get your action porn fix from The Hobbit 9. Did you guys notice that they did a whole new series of Spider man? Having lived through 3 iterations of the same series I am starting to feel old. It's too bad that hollywood is run by risk management business types. "The first series worked out why would we risk something new and interesting?" Dull fucks.
Okay, back to Hanoi
After running from the dogs we hopped on the back of a Vietnamese guys motorbike who we spotted smirking and beckoning to us in the shadows. My friend and I gripped each other laughing nervously until the 3 of us made it back to town. The driver was laughing too although I can't be sure why.
The next day we all decided to get a tour. I am not a fan of tours in big groups. The silly questions, the waiting for people, the impersonal lecturing, it grinds my gears. We forked over a few extra thousand Dong (One US dollar gets you twenty thousand dong) and got a private Hanoi food tour for our group of 6 and I highly recommend it.
Our guide was exceptional. Her name was something I had trouble pronouncing but she was ready with a solid nickname in the can. Cherry, was just about that size, with thick black rimmed glasses, twinkly eyes, and a smile the size of a hub cap. We began our tour at the side of a busy intersection. For our group to cross the street she instructed us to put our hands up to the side like trees and yell (in a happy go -lucky tone) Sticky Rice! She winked and promised us that this technique was tested and proven. She hasn't lost anyone yet. I'm still using it weeks later.
Once we got our sticky rice crew situated we were off. Soups, noodles, dumplings, rice dishes, deserts, drinks, nothing was safe from the Sticky rice crew. Cherry's enthusiasm and cheer was almost unreal. You couldn't talk to her without catching her contagious smile.
My favorite thing she showed us was a back alley bar that served sunflower seeds and egg coffee. Egg coffee was a revelation for me. I'm lactarded so I've never been able to enjoy a creamy cappuccino or latte without painful repercussions. In walks egg coffee. Oh egg coffee, silky smooth nectar. Thick and voluminous like a metaphysics book and gilded like pure honey. According to our Cherry, egg coffee is whipped egg yolk and sugar scooped on top of an espresso. You eat it with a spoon and then you order another one because it's egg coffee and you can't have just one.
At the end of the tour Cherry brought us to a Bia Hoi stoop. You basically go to Bia Hoi to drink the cheapest beer in the world on a barbie sized stool in the street. My knees were up near my head but hey I was drinking home brewed beer for 20 cents a glass in a busy intersection, what more could I ask for? In Hanoi, it's the best way to watch the torrent of people, salesmen, and bikes fly by.
Now that the tour was done we pressed Cherry about her life in Hanoi. She went to college and studied business at the behest of her strict parents but she didn't like it. After school she couldn't bring herself to continue on that path and so she stood up to her parents. She told them that what really made her happy was to give tours of her beloved city. They were shocked and revolted but she did it anyway with all of her sweet little Cherry heart. Having done it for a while now, they were finally coming around to see how happy it made her. Now she is saving up to try to move out and start her life on her own. After hearing this I made her take a shot with me. We pooled some dong together and gave her a fat tip. Sweet Cherry wouldn't even take it, we had to force it on her. Bless her little cherry heart- definitely a master in the making.
So if you ever hear someone yell "Sticky Rice!" that's probably Cherry giving a lucky new group a tour with locomotive enthusiasm in her favorite place, Hanoi.
That night we laid low but since everything closes at midnight, we were still out for the final curtain call. Vietnamese are early to bed and early to rise but since so much of their retail economy is driven by tourism, many street vendors and bars have a funny system to avoid the cops. After midnight the police will typically patrol around and make sure everything is closed. That night, we happened to be at a street food stand that sold Bahn Mi sandwiches and beer. A signal was shouted and one after the other, every bar and vendor turned off their lights and started putting things away. Sandwiches were wrapped up, gates closed, drinks stowed, and arguments settled. Then the police cruised by.... and then everything lit back up. Sandwiches out, beers cracked, positions restated, and gates rolled up. It's quite a sight.
If you go to Vietnam, I definitely recommend spending some time in Hanoi. Keep a look out for Cherry too if ya do and for god sakes don't miss the Egg Coffee.
Next: Christmas day in Mui Ne